Anticip…

(Wait for it…)

Have you ever been to see Rocky Horror Picture Show? In a crowded theater? If not, you are still considered a “virgin.” My virgin experience with Rocky Horror Picture Show was a midnight movie in the fall of 1979 at Georgetown’s Key Theater in Washington D.C. I’m not sure what I expected, but I know I was starting to wonder, standing in line outside watching men in fishnet stockings and women in gold sequined top hats parade about. And once inside…? To lose your “virginity” requires throwing toast, covering your head with newspaper while water pistols spray “rain” over the audience, waving your cigarette lighter overhead, talking back to the actors onscreen – and of course, doing the Time Warp!

It’s a cult film, and not for everyone’s tastes, but it was an experience I’ll never forget!

And in the words of Dr. Frank N. Furter,

(Wait for it…)

…pation!

Anticipation is defined as the act of looking forward. It implies a prospect or outlook that involves advance suffering or enjoyment of what is foreseen.

We spend much of our lives in anticipation of some future event. This time of year children are anticipating Santa Claus’ visit on Christmas Eve, and the wonders of full stockings and piles of presents under the tree. Adults might be anticipating the big Christmas party, or perhaps dreading the arrival of their in-laws. Some will be anticipating all the work and stress of preparing Christmas dinner, while others look forward to sitting down and enjoying the meal itself. At the beginning of the Polar Express movie, Hero Boy anticipates the discovery that Santa Claus doesn’t really exist.

What is interesting about anticipation is that we suffer or enjoy in advance only what we imagine the future will be; we cannot truly know that reality until it actually arrives. Rather than finding out Santa was fake, Hero Boy found himself caught up in a wild adventure that proved to him beyond a doubt that Santa really does exist; exactly the opposite of what he anticipated.

And there’s the rub. We spend so much of our time anticipating this or dreading that. It’s rare for the reality to live up – or down – to our expectations. More often than not, we’re disappointed when things aren’t as perfect as we hoped; or worse, we anticipate something that we fear, causing ourselves unnecessary pain and stress over what ultimately isn’t all that bad.

I’ve been guilty of just that, anticipating pain and loneliness, beginning on my birthday and lasting through the holidays. You may have read about it in my earlier blog “I hate my birthday.” I was dreading the day, anticipating loneliness and sorrow. Events, however, conspired to make my birthday quite different from what I had expected. Then, over the Thanksgiving holidays, a friend visited, and we enjoyed quiet companionship.

I’ve spoken as well of Christmas Eve, and how I will spend it alone for the first time in my recollection. I’ve decided to let go of the anticipation and allow the day to unfold however it will. I’ll prepare; I’ll make plans. But I will no longer imagine the feelings that may arise. Why cause myself pain today for an event that is still two weeks away? I’ll only rob myself of the experience of THIS day, blinding myself to all that may be good and worthy today.

Ram Dass said it well: Be Here Now.

And so that is my plan for the remainder of the holiday season. I will take it a day at a time, being present each day and not anticipating imagined pain. I will grieve, I am certain. But I will also find joy in the season, different though it may be, one day at a time.

And today? My house is decorated – in LEGO!

Enjoy…